Thursday, September 13, 2012

I Finally Said It..

Sometimes things are not real until they are said, out loud, to others.  For me, the fact that H and I are getting divorced didn't feel real until I told an almost complete stranger. I was at a party over Labor Day weekend and was chatting with a friend of the host.  The next thing I know, I am telling her that I am about to go through what I fear will be an ugly divorce...There it was, the words hanging in the warm end of summer air that was full of laughter and the scent of grilled food..

The reality is setting in.  I am about to divorce my husband, the father of my child.  We didn't even make it to our 5 year anniversary.  So common, yet so cliche'.  I am facing being a single mom, single with a capital S. 

The funny thing is, the transition so far, feels seamless.  H moved out in June and QT has been going back and forth since.  Being alone doesn't feel odd or lonely as H travels alot, so I was home on my own a good chunk of the time..The difficulties for me revolve around being away from QT for more than an overnight, I start to get anxious and uneasy..Also from the feeling that I failed.  I failed at being married.  As most of us are, I am NOT good at failing.  But on this one, I have to accept it and move along.

And what exactly does "moving along" mean? I have no effing clue..

So, come with me and lets figure this out together, shall we? Ill grab the gin, you bring the vermouth.


  1. Oh, I SO feel you on this. Can I tell you a secret? I still haven't let so many people know about the impending D-word. I do find myself not even saying that word. It's like it makes it so real and final when you tell people. And while I want the divorce, I also don't want the consequences of it (real mature, huh?). And really, it's all so effing sad, regardless of who finally called it quits.

    Anyway, how old is your little one? And what custody arrangement do you have? We do it in an unorthodox way, because this mama is NOT ready for my girls (2 and 4 years old) to be away a whole weekend at a time from me.

  2. LM! First, thanks for writing your blog, you have def made me want to start this up again. I had another blog and was much better at writing that one.. My QT is almost 2 and is the love of my life..
    Custody arrangements are so hard..We do every other weekend,. Being away from my little one for 2 nights in a row is hard, but I am getting used to it. it is amazing what I can get accomplished in that time around the house..

  3. Well I really enjoy reading what you've written, so keep it up. I find it cathartic. Seems that QT is at a great age for that. My 2-year-old is pretty cool about everything. It's my 4-year-old who is upset often about having to be away from me.

    What gets me the most is how this is a LIFELONG situation. It's so daunting and heart-breaking. But...I know I'll get used to. I suppose.

    What I'm really not looking forward to is sharing them on the holidays. I might die of heart-break on Christmas.