I Want to Write

Yes, I am still here..

I started this blog last year to talk about being a single mom.  I don't want to talk about how difficult my divorce has been, or that I fight every f*cking day to stay sane in the craziness that is my life..I want to talk about QT and adjusting to being a single mom, to rediscovering who I am, moving on from my marriage, etc..

The problem is, this divorce has taken on a life of it's own, the drama volume is turned all the way up..I can't even see the end..I pray it is there and happens soon before I just disintegrate from the toxins that are thrown at me on a daily basis..

So, I want to, and WILL write about being a single mommy when I can keep my head above the water long enough..Writing has always been my go to outlet when life got too hectic, but even writing can't smooth things right now..

I will be back, I hope you will be too..
xo

Happy Holidays!!

I'm Back

Yes, I am back from, well, from a place where I never again plan to visit. But let's not get all doom and gloom..Life is good, my outlook is sunny, so lets get to it!

Get to what? Um, not sure...Get to moving forward, get to not just surviving, but thriving..Get to the "prize", get to the soft and fuzzy again. In other words, get to the good stuff..

So, while I get to all of those rainbows and unicorns, I will be bringing QT with me, leaving H far far far behind..I will also  bring you folks (anyone still there?) along..

The holidays are here and with them, complications and challenges are emerging..More about that in my next post..

For now, stay warm and happy!
xo

QT's Birthday and Technical Difficulties

First off, I know I have been a terrible blogger..I know I know..{{Hangs head}} But I have been experiencing some technical difficulties..More about that later..

Lets talk about my toddler!!!! QT had a birthday! He turned two..And no, I cannot believe that my little miracle, my little meatloaf is a walking, talking, one toddler wrecking machine..He laughs all the time is easy going and sweet.  I am so very grateful, he is here against all odds and is thriving. 

Yes, against all odds.  According to the doctors, a baby for H and I was out of the question, due to fertility issues, the detail of which I won't bore you..Suffice it to say we gave up..And I guess it is true, once you give up, that's when it all happens.  So yes, QT is a miracle..I think that is why he is so special, well that and the fact that he came out of MY body..

So, we threw a party to honor the blessed occasion of QT's natal day and much cake and coffee was consumed..  Most of my family doesn't yet know of my impending divorce and I certainly wasn't going to announce it.  Consequently, there was no tension or awkwardness between them and H.  His mother on the other hand....Well, just leave it at the..

Ok, so onto the technical difficulties...It has nothing to do with a computer or a website, and everything to do with my home.  It was invaded about three weeks ago.  It was invaded by H.  He decided that it was best for him to move back in, and on advice from his lawyer, to not tell me (he moved out in June)..So imagine my surprise when he showed up with QT and announced that he had moved back in..Needless to say it did not go over well with me, for so many reasons.  I won't list them as I am sure you can imagine...

So the technical difficulty has been to diffuse and rectify this situation.  It has been a trying time and has tested so much of my will, psyche and soul.  I view it as another tunnel to pass thru on my way to the brighter, happy, sunny and bright times..And I know they will be bright, with QT by my side, anything can happen..I know now, more than ever, who I am and how strong I can be..

I hope these difficulties are resolved soon.  It is too bad there is not a help desk we can call to "fix" marital problems...

I Reach Out From the Inside

Ever have ONE of those days? You know, those days that make you crave a pair of jammies, a blanket, a cup of hot tea and some old black and white movies? A real close the blinds turn off the ringer kind of day..

Well, I had one yesterday..Physically I was not at my best.  My stomach was doing it's best to remind me of my stress related IBS flare ups and my sinuses were on fire, I was tired and my eyes hurt..Add that to the never ending divorce drama and some substantial staff movement where I work and it was a recipe for disaster..It was all I could do to get thru the day intact..I did it, I made it thru..

In the past, before QT and really even before I was married, these type of days ended with me in the aforementioned jammies, tea in hand hiding under a blanket.  Not anymore..After the hellish day at work, I had to pick QT up at daycare, get him home, fed, bathed and to bed..  It seemed like an impossible task..

In the car I blasted some loud music, trying to pump myself up, all that did was worsen my headache..As I rolled up to his daycare, I had no idea how on EARTH I would get thru the next few hours with an active toddler..

Well, I did it.  I reached all the way in, passed all of the other strength I have reached for,  and grabbed, the mother load...It worked.  When QT came running to me yelling "my mommy!" I happily reached out my arms..The rest of the night was the usual crazy fun time we always have.

I was proud of myself and gave myself a mommy pat on the back..I was doubtful of my ability to rise above the dark cloud surrounding me, but I managed. It is amazing how as a moms, we are able to find that inner strength and bag of patience to take care of our little ones..Honestly, QT is the only one for whom I can do that.

Wordless Monday

It's Friday!

Instead of exploring my feelings today, I would like to share a tune from my new girl crush, Pink.  She is a strong take no sh!t woman, plus she can sing! Anyhow, this is the version with the naughty language, I wonder if it wrong to say (or sing) the F word on a mommy blog??

Listen, watch and dance around..Have a great day!